How to Tell If You Are Settling

One of the biggest mistakes that some people with herpes makes is settling for the first person that comes along that doesn’t have a problem with you having herpes.  I know that I have and it always turns out to be a disaster with one or both of you getting hurt in the long run.

This usually happens when we experience a little success having the herpes talk with someone.  But the reason is because it’s totally based on our fear of not having to go through it again.

Most people who have herpes and currently in a satisfying relationship can point out a few flaws in their partner.  Some of those flaws may have worried them when they were contemplating a commitment.  Other people can tell you about a person that they wish they had never broken up with.  How do you know whether you are going to regret the decision later to pour your heart, life, and time into this person?

Naturally, there are several different ways you can try to help you, but I have one method in particular that I really like.  The method I’m talking about is superior, in my opinion, because it gets right to the heart of the matter.

Here’s the method I suggest.

Ask yourself if you are happier because this person is in your life right now.  Then turn that question around and then ask yourself if you would feel a sense of relief if they broke off the relationship with you tomorrow.

Here’s why these two important questions matter more than all the guesswork you could do about the future.  Trying to decide if you are settling is really the wrong question.  I say it’s the wrong question because it requires that you do the impossible.  It requires you to compare the person you are with to some imaginary person you might meet in the future.

Imaginary people can have any qualities you want.  In real life, all people have flaws.  Yes, some people are better suited to a relationship with you, and some people really can make you happier. 

Nonetheless, that does not change the fact that it is impossible to know whether you will one day meet someone who makes you even happier than the person that you are with right now.  Since it is impossible to know the answer to the question, it’s not a useful question to ask.  It’s better to focus on what is happening now.

Let’s get back to those two questions.  First, are you happier because this person is in your life right now?  If so, I would venture to say that you are not settling.  If having this person in your life adds meaning and joy, you should embrace them with all your heart and stop worrying about it.  It’s a way of simplifying one part of the decision making process. If you find a person enriches your life, it decreases the chances that you are just going along with the relationship for the sake of convenience.

Now to the second question.  Would it be a relief if they called you tomorrow to break off the relationship or ask for some time apart to date other people? 

I realize you would most likely have mixed emotions, but if one of those emotions in the mix was a significant sense of relief, there’s a good chance you are settling.  If a breakup would only yield feelings of loss, and no sense of relief, you most certainly are not settling.  This IS the person that you want in your life.

The sense of relief is significant because it represents the conclusion of your intuitive mind.  Your intuition is really your unconscious process of filtering through tons and tons of information. 

We don’t receive the results of that analysis in the form of a conscious thought like, “Yes, this person is the right one for me.”  Rather, you get the results of intuition when you ask questions that cause your mind to pay attention to certain emotions that speak on behalf of the unconscious conclusions some part of your mind has reached.

A feeling of relief would mean some part of you has come to the conclusion that you really do need to spend time dating other people before you will know if this person you are with is really the right sort of person for you.  If the idea of a breakup causes nothing but sadness, that means it was a useless worry getting the best of you rather than guidance from your intuition.

It seems like a “no brainer” idea, however, it is a more thought provoking task when actually sitting down to do it! (It is good to dust off the cob webs and vacuum up the old debris, as we are all a work in process and progression)….and it is a great mental exercise as much as physical exercise is to bring clarity to the mind, body and soul.

Asking yourself these questions activates us to value our wants and desires first before we can be of a romantic value to someone else. It presents our whole, authentic selves into a situation that if compatible, brings happiness and joy to both people involved.

It can also demystify ourselves for ourselves and for what we want in love interests while driving down that road, Embracing the best for others (and for ourselves), and not settling, is the most healthy way to live. Fine tuning ourselves in the present NOW expands our intuition and understanding to create the best for the future!

May Peace Be With You!


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